There are many things that can be blamed when a suicide occurs. A struggling or broken marriage, extreme economic challenges, lifestyle choices that conflict with personal or family beliefs, bullying, the hardship of multiple stressors, perceived failure in life, strain from mounting life pressures and many more. These challenges are not new, but it seems we are having a hard time making it through them. Just days ago, a friend of mine died of suicide. A few weeks ago, a young relative died by his own hand. As is often the case, we knew they faced challenges but were shocked at the extreme action they took to rid themselves of hardships. Everyone faces stress, but fortunately, most of us make it through as better, wiser versions of ourselves.
When does a stressor (or stressors) become so severe that someone starts thinking about suicide as a solution? That point is different for all of us and truly difficult for those outside the situation to comprehend. We can, however, all relate to feelings of stress, frustration and maybe even a bit of hopelessness. Why do some people, at times, find this to be too much and seek to end it all through suicide? Of course, those left behind know suicide doesn’t put an end to anything except a life.
In dealing with stress, it is valuable for me to realize physically what is happening inside my body that causes my emotions. Brain chemicals are responsible. While we translate the chemical interactions in our brains as mental and emotional, there is a very physical basis to our feelings, including depression and hopelessness. When we feel happiness or joy, our brain has experienced the neurotransmitters of dopamine, oxytocin, serotonin and/or endorphins. Sadness and depression are less understood and can be from either lack or excess of these and other brain chemicals. While researchers sort this out, the important part for me is that the chemicals (or their absence) are creating what I am feeling and not my circumstances.
Circumstances, however daunting, are temporary. Emotions, however overwhelming, are also temporary. Suicide is permanent. Temporary problems should not be “fixed” with a permanent “solution.” There is a concept from physics that can help. Stress is a force an object experiences. Strain occurs when stress deforms an object. Transferring this to life, harvest can be a stress. Strain is how a farmer responds to the stress of the harvest. Farmers experience many stressors – weather, breakdowns, pests and disease, family pressures, lack of sleep, economic losses, etc. A farmer may feel strain as these loads pile up. It is important to keep perspective as this occurs. Stress is temporary. Strain can feel overwhelming, but it will be temporary if we maintain perspective. Stress comes from the outside, strain comes from within.
Another way we talk about stress and emotions is by categorizing levels of stress. While some degree of stress is inevitable, prolonged exposure to stress can be harmful to your mental and physical health. Dr. Bruce S. McEwen breaks stress into three categories: good, tolerable and toxic.
Good stress
Good stress is the kind of stress that leads to good outcomes. Good stress motivates us to accomplish something positive. It can prepare us for a big test, a crucial game, harvesting crops or meeting a deadline. This kind of stress drives us to reach the finish line. Once the game is over or the deadline has passed, the strain we feel is typically gone.
Tolerable stress
Tolerable stress is the kind of stress we feel when something goes wrong, but it is tolerable because we have the tools to handle the situation. Just as a spring is designed to bend, stretch or compress without breaking, we can prepare ourselves to handle stressful situations. Friends and family can be a support structure. Time for self-care such as exercise, meditation, prayer, healthy eating, providing service or hobbies can all help us recharge our emotional tanks. Self-care balances our chemical neurotransmitters to help us better manage tough times.
Toxic stress
Stress can become toxic if we are forced to live with it day after day. This kind of stress leads to serious health problems, such as loss of sleep, severe anxiety, clinical depression and substance abuse. Toxic stress occurs when we don’t experience positive emotions for an extended period. If we stay under the influence of toxic stress for a long time, we may need additional help to get chemical signals in the brain to function properly again. Toxic stress can lead to overwhelming strain. This strain can lead to hopelessness, despair or feeling like circumstances will never change.
We cannot forget that our emotions are caused, not by circumstances, but by chemical neurotransmitters in our brains. Science may one day explain it all, but we don’t need to understand it completely to recognize the influence they have on our decisions. We all respond to stress differently, but we should never let our strain become too much to bear.
For more information or help, please visit:
University of Idaho Farm Stress Management
Western Region Agricultural Stress Assistance Program (WRASAP)
Idaho Farm and Ranch Center
