My husband is a faithful, hard-working man. He always has been. I know he loves me. Even so, I know I’m not the only love in his life.
When we were first married, I didn’t understand the infatuation he had with “the others.” I came from a pet-friendly family, but nothing agricultural. We didn’t own livestock. My understanding of ranch life came once I was firmly immersed in it. I wasn’t quite sure how to respond to his “advancing comments” – because they weren’t aimed at me. Maybe you’ve heard some of them:
- “Oh wow. Look at her eyes. So clear. Beautiful lashes.”
- “Dang! What a body score. She’s definitely a 6.”
- “She’s going to be such a good mother. Look at her hips!”
- “Nice teats on that one.”
- “Perfect frame on her.”
- “My, oh, my. Beautiful hair.”
Hopefully you’re smiling, but if you’re not, let me explain: Cowboys love their cattle. They notice details about their health and bodies. Here are the interpretations of the above statements should you need them:
- Those clear eyes and lashes mean great cattle health. No foggy lenses.
- Her size, filled-out body (no bony-looking appearance) and hide make her a picture-perfect cow.
- Those hips will be great for calving – unlikely anything will get stuck. This is said with regard to heifers heading into their first breeding season.
- Nice teats means she’s udderly amazing. Nothing is swollen, red or dragging the ground.
- Her perfect frame communicates that she isn’t so big she’ll eat us out of pasture and hay. She’s moderate but not too small. She’ll raise a good-sized calf without being a large expense.
- Beautiful hair means there is no obvious presence of lice or copper deficiencies, or other issues that show up in the hair.
I imagine I’m not the only one to hear statements like these. As a newlywed, I was caught off guard. Why would he talk like that? It didn’t take long before I knew it was part of assessing cattle.
The flip side has also been commented on:
- “She’s crazier than … ”
- “Her temperament is somewhere between ‘Yikes’ and ‘Run for your life.’”
- “I wouldn’t buy those cows if they were the last ones on Earth.”
- “That one didn’t age well.”
- “She’s gummin’ it pretty hard.” (She’s 1,000% a broken mouth)
These are not favorable statements. Crazy cows or bulls that charge or are mean don’t stick around.
Talking about cattle like this opens a “secret language,” if you will. One time we were at a large gathering and there was a woman trying to stir up the room with strong political viewpoints. My cowboy whispered, “She’s a 269.” This was in reference to a cow that we inherited that charged people, fences, gates … we didn’t keep her because she wouldn’t settle down, even with gentle handling practices. In other words, he was telling me in quick notes, “This woman is charging everyone with her comments, and we need to find a new conversation.”
While this example isn’t positive, most of the “secret language” comments are. Remarks could include things like, “That was as pretty as a newborn calf.” Or “That kid’s as curious as a group of yearlings.”
But cowboy phrases don’t have to just be either positive or negative. When I was expecting our first child, cattle phrases quickly dipped into comparisons. The first thing my hubby did after our positive pregnancy test was grab his cattle gestation calendar to guess my due date. I suggested he subtract about one month.
At our first ultrasound, he “talked shop” with the doctor, sharing that he knew about corpus luteum and such because he’d seen it “in his field.”
When I went into labor, I doubted whether we should head to the hospital, but he said I was “walking the fenceline, trying to get off by myself. Time to go.”
Living in the world of agriculture means ranch talk. This language may resemble comments I have referenced already, but it’s also possible it filters into communicating feelings. You may recall a poem I shared a few years ago with a line that read, in part, “… your eyes are like the morning dew, shining off a cow’s poo-poo.”
I’m still hoping it was a joke, but no matter what, the glisten of my eyes is clearly stated. It’s a compliment. Compliments rise to a different level with ranchers. I was recently complimented for my gate-closing abilities – and that meant a lot. It was another way of saying, “I’m proud of you.”
However long you’ve been acquainted with agriculture, I’m sure you’ve heard a few cattle comments of your own. Maybe, like me, you’ve grown accustomed to a man, or a group of men, visiting about beautiful eyes, body scores and shiny hair. Those are all good things.
But if you ever hear someone say, “Who flipped her heifer switch?” then it’s time to … RUN!
