When I was in fifth grade, my class buried a time capsule in the “backyard” of the school grounds. I don’t know if it was ever dug up by anyone, but wouldn’t that be grand if it was? Collectively, we buried things like a newspaper, a cassette case for popular music (I believe someone donated a Cyndi Lauper case) and some coins. I honestly don’t remember what else was buried in it, but it would be interesting to know what we thought was important then.
Isn’t it interesting how things we used to think were important aren’t as important anymore? Looking back on life, there are definitely things I would tell my younger self – especially in regard to ranching. Since I didn’t grow up in an agricultural family, I had a huge learning curve. It’s possible I’m still in the curve, but even so, here are a few things I’d tell my newbie self:
- Just because someone else is doing it doesn’t mean you have to do it, too. Comparison kills.
When we first started going to other people’s brandings, I watched the women jump in and wrestle calves right alongside the men. Those ladies were (and still are) awesome. But I am not the type to jump in and try something in front of a crowd. I’ll try it at home. I’ll try it in front of a small group, maybe. But I always felt like I should’ve tried harder to be like them and do everything they did. Which leads to my next point …
- Don’t beat yourself up.
After watching everyone at a branding, I’d come home and beat myself up mentally for everything I couldn’t do: Why did my husband marry someone so green? I will never be like that. The mental game is not worth the pain it causes. There is always something you’ll wish you could do better. That’s life. Focus on learning and what you can do.
- Don’t force mastery of unwanted skills.
While there are things we will need to learn and things we will wish we could do better, there are some areas that I don’t wish to excel in. And that’s OK. I’m willing to try things, but you don’t have to kill yourself working toward mastering every job on the ranch. For me, the biggest one is roping. I have no desire to rope calves in a branding pen anymore. I worked on it once, didn’t enjoy learning it and decided since that’s what most people like to do at a branding, it was totally fine for me not to pick up that skill. I don’t mind ground work – and that’s what a lot of people do mind, so it’s OK that I don’t rope.
- Pick jobs that interest you.
Obviously, there are times when we must do things that aren’t our favorite. However, when looking at our overall impact on the ranch, it’s important to volunteer for the jobs that bring you joy. There will always be a barn to muck, so go move cows when you can. Feed cows. Do the things that make you want to take a million pictures and show them to everyone.
- Don’t be embarrassed.
This one is very difficult when you’re young because you’re trying to cultivate your “cowboy” image. It isn’t necessary. The more you worry about what others think, the worse your stress becomes – and the worse impression you make on people. Don’t be embarrassed about needing to learn. And don’t fake knowing something.
- Do what works.
For my younger self: Be proud of that Suburban! When all the kids were little, I loaded everyone up in our Suburban to move cows. My vehicle was a treasured tool. The kids would play, read and snack in the back while I moved cows with the crew. I flagged roads and pushed cattle up country roads using my rig. It wasn’t very “cowboy,” but it was practical, and I loved it. That Suburban saw a lot of country and carried us well past its prime. My front license plate had a hoof mark at one point, but other than that, it was unscathed.
- Fight well and have fun.
There will be fights worth fighting and ones to let go. Let go when you can and fight hard when you must. Either way, do the best you can to make it fun. Crack jokes on rough days. Smile when you don’t feel like smiling. Choose your emotions, don’t let them choose you. Sure, not every day is happy, but what we focus on grows within us, so choose joy as much as possible.
I’d like to think my younger self would’ve listened had I been able to share advice, but that is debatable. When we are young, we often think we know more than we do. However, if myself in 20 years would like to offer wisdom, I’m all ears!
Speaking of wishing I could tell my younger self some things … I wish I could go back and edit a previous article. Recently, I received a message from a reader informing me that my article about our trip to Oregon included a statement that could be considered offensive to Oregonians: When I mentioned that my husband was asked if he was a “real cowboy,” I should have mentioned it was in Portland. Portland is nearly an entity of its own and is not representative of Oregon as a whole. Traveling through Oregon, we saw lush pastureland, irrigated crops and healthy cattle dotting picturesque landscape. Oregon is definitely a ranching state, and it was not my intention to imply otherwise. My apologies!
And thank you, dear reader, for reaching out. I’m grateful!
