Beef producers have been hearing about the methods of low-stress livestock handling and reaping the benefits for a long time. There is no question that efforts to create low-stress environments for cattle result in an improved experience and productivity for both the animals and their handlers. But you may not have realized that many of those same principles transfer easily to your behaviour and approach when working with members of your farm family.
Famous low-stress handling expert Bud Williams has said, "Clear, consistent communication and established leadership allows animals to relax." With a couple edits, this statement is also true, "Clear, consistent communication and established leadership allows family members to relax."
By making efforts to reduce the stress for family members while navigating succession conversations, there are ways to reach more aligned and peaceful outcomes and decisions. What could those efforts look and sound like?
Reducing stress and friction starts with day-to-day interactions with family members. In your busy day, communication with family members may feel like a low priority. However, if the way you speak to each other is not clear, consistent and reinforced, you will end up with confusion, misunderstandings and expensive errors. This can be compounded through our use of texting, which can be vague, autocorrected or easily misinterpreted. Knowing everyone can all be vulnerable to this pitfall, you can develop a habit when a message is confusing or surprising: pause, remind yourself you are on the same farm team together, assume they had good intentions and curiously ask questions to seek understanding. It is easy to quickly jump to conclusions or frustration, but you can interrupt that response to make a more peaceful choice.
Part of the reason this is difficult is because there is often history and baggage among family members. Famous writer Elizabeth Gilbert commented, “Our families know how to push our buttons because they installed them.” To reduce stress, whenever there are situations with known triggers and strong responses, (silent treatment, yelling, fighting, etc.) the first best option is to pause. If someone is in a strong emotional state, attempting to respond, resolve or calm down in the moment is very unlikely. Instead, wait at least 20 minutes – 24 hours is better – until both people are in a calmer state. Then ask questions to seek understanding about what happened, such as “Tell me more …” or “Help me understand …” Very few people want to stay angry or hurt – you and your family can help each other interrupt the cycle of triggers and pick a less stressful path through conversation and care.
There are also helpful ways to reduce stress in family succession planning meetings. One common pitfall witnessed in family farms is to spend time focusing on “How we are going to transfer the farm?” before thinking and talking about each person’s vision for the future. Somehow, in families, each person assumes they want the same outcome as their family members, and they neglect to talk about it. Then friction results when they are pulling in different directions. To avoid this pitfall, begin with a family conversation in which each person can share and explain what they hope the outcome will be at the end of the farm transfer: Who will be doing which jobs? Who will own which assets? Who will lead? When you and your family farm team members can clearly explain the future direction of the farm – bringing that unified description of the vision to your accountant and lawyer will allow your professionals to guide the next steps more efficiently for decision-making.
Speaking of accountants and lawyers, this can be another source of stress. Why? Not all professionals are created equal, both in terms of experience and ability, but more so in areas of expertise. Just as you wouldn’t want your family doctor to perform specialized brain surgery – your general accountant and lawyer may not be well-suited to the specialized business structural or tax strategy advice that your family and business will need as you navigate succession. Getting specialized, relevant technical advice is important for lower-stress outcomes. This does not mean you should assume your current professionals are ill-equipped, but it does warrant a conversation, booked outside of the adviser’s busy season. Ask to book a meeting about planning strategy and ask questions, such as, “What is your area of expertise?” “Can you help us with family business strategy and succession conversations?” If they respond no, ask “Who would you refer us to for such expertise?”
If you focus on low-stress handling of your herd but are letting stress build in your family, you have an opportunity to change the story and the outcomes. By paying attention to how you speak to each other and choosing to sit down and collaborate, you will reap the benefits of efficiency and profitability made possible through harmony. You have worked hard to get to this point – now you can guide your family to take the next step – together!
