I truly believe it takes a special type of person to be a farmer, more specifically, a dairy farmer. I have utmost respect for any type of farmer, but dairy farmers truly are a unique group due to the fact that not only do the cows need to be fed, they also need to be milked, and on a somewhat regular schedule, allowing for much less flexibility than other types of livestock. With that being said, being a farmer can be difficult. Long hours, working in the elements, weather situations causing scenarios out of our control and having to be there to milk the cows at a minimum of twice a day every single day can be taxing. But those passionate and dedicated to the industry are in this profession because they love it. It is in their blood, and they will do whatever they can to make the best life for their animals, sometimes at the expense of their significant other or families. Having the opportunity to farm with your significant other can be a huge blessing, but it takes a lot of creative ways of doing things together to make it work.
Let me start off by saying that I am so appreciative of having my family and significant other fully supporting my life as a dairy farmer. Having "your" people know what you do on a daily basis, the physical and mental challenges that you face and the countless hours put in that sometimes just aren’t enough, is a huge aspect that I will never take for granted. Coming from a family with a farming background and being in a relationship with a fellow farmer is extremely helpful in dealing with the odd schedules and long hours, but still, quality time is still critical.
As a brief background to set the stage, I currently farm with my boyfriend and his uncle on his uncle and grandma’s dairy. We milk 120 cows and crop farm 200 acres. My primary daily roles include: milking twice a day, calf feeding and care, occasional breeding, and vaccination and treatment of the youngstock and milking herd. I love my job. More often than not, I find myself saying, “I never expected to be a full-time dairy farmer after graduating with my bachelor’s degree, but it’s what I love and where I belong.” My other half works a full-time job off of the farm and helps at the farm in the morning before work and in the evening after work. Even though we are together a couple hours a day throughout the week on the farm and on the weekends, it can sometimes seem as if we see each other frequently, but only for a couple minutes, or just in passing, since the majority of my time is spent in the barn with the animals, whereas his time is spent working on equipment or in the field. As a result, sometimes it feels as if we don’t get much time together that’s not business related.
With that, even though we are on the farm together and see each other daily, I have found that quality time is definitely more beneficial than the quantity of time we spend together. Often, by the time the day comes to an end, we are often tired, and important conversations get pushed aside or full thought is not placed in them, or (more so from busy days behind us) some things are even forgotten. With that, we have found a couple of strategies that we use to ensure that we stay up to date with one another and that we are connecting with each other and discussing any important info in our lives. Although it may seem insignificant, a 15-minute phone call when he gets off work while I’m setting up to milk seems like it’s a great way for each of us to recap our days and give each other a brief overview of what is on our evening agendas at the farm.
Another way is that when he gets to the farm after work, we typically spend 15 minutes together in the parlor where he helps me with anything I may need an extra hand with or vice versa. Finally, in the spring in particular and even the fall, his days are long. Not only does he have planting and harvest at the farm to do, but as an agronomist and agronomy branch manager, his full-time work days are long. Those days are extra tough. We are both going full speed to try to be the most efficient and make the most of our time, and often phone calls are forgotten or the extra 15 minutes in the parlor just aren’t feasible. In those days, I often try to go above and beyond to adapt my schedule to fit his. This might mean riding in the tractor once I finish up my chores or going together on a parts run just to be able to have some time together.
Those are just a couple of examples of tactics that we practice regularly to make farming together, yet in different capacities, work for the farm as well as for our personal situation. No two farms or farmers are alike. What may work for one farming couple may not work for the next. My best advice for a seasoned farm couple, a new farm wife or a new farm partner is to be flexible. Personally, I don’t like change all that much, and I like to adhere to a routine. As much as I try, I have found that more often than not, this is not real practical in farming. To get the most out of our time together, and to experience farming together and to actually enjoy it, it takes a lot of hard work, patience, understanding and the ability to adapt to an ever-changing situation. So if you are new to the farming industry, or are just trying to make time together count a little more, then try new things. Find ways to get involved in each other’s tasks on the farm, and in the worst case, just do nice things for each other such as a random coffee in the parlor or donuts in the tractor. Sometimes the smallest gestures can go a long way in making your fellow farmer's day better.
