It’ll soon be that time of year again: World Dairy Expo time, the Super Bowl of all things bovine.

Taking place in the land of rolling hills, corn cribs, cheese and the second-best football team in the Midwest, it is a five-day event of dairy-centric culinary delights, with the likes of grilled cheese sandwiches and multitudes of ice cream creations. It is a bastion of wall-to-wall vendors sharing their latest offerings and wares. The highlight of the expo is probably the cow show, where each breed puts out the best cows that they represent and the ultimate champion is crowned.

While farmers from many corners of the country will make the pilgrimage to Madison, it is a trip your author has only made one time. It was 2004, and Modesto Junior College (MJC) sent their best and brightest – and a few other stranglers – to represent their fine institution on the colored shavings in Madison. It was an opportunity for young hearts and minds to cement their dairy-judging prowess in the hallowed halls of the college. While many took this job very seriously, others took it as an opportunity to get out of the more academic studies offered. Needless to say, our team consisted of several highly capable individuals and your author as the alternate.

While most of the team had the ability to remember a judging class from three weeks ago, the alternate of the group had the ability to recite the three closest gas stations with the cheapest light beer and which teacher parking spot could be parked in with the lowest risk of getting a ticket.

It was no surprise when the MJC team took first in their division. The real surprise was when the alternate, who barely crossed the team threshold, ended up getting first in the Red and White Holstein class. As a freckled, red-bearded minority myself, it only made sense for me to dissect and defend the genetic anomalies in the Holstein breed. This first-place finish was another win in a long list for our much-loved ag instructor Mr. Mark Anglin. This rousing victory allowed us the opportunity to judge a dairy cattle event in England. Our summer was spent fundraising for this incredible opportunity, which led to the amazing experience of touring Scotland and England. While the cows tended to be a little shaggier, it was an experience we would never forget.

Cattle judging is an incredible event for molding and shaping young people. It teaches you to look with a critical and discerning eye, to have an opinion, and then to go out and defend your opinion. These are life skills that help you much later in life.

It was helpful for me when I ran into a cute little blonde girl and had to work to convince her to go on a date with a freckled, red-headed genetic anomaly and eventually become my wife. One of my defining qualities was the ability to make a great grilled cheese sandwich from a World Dairy Expo recipe. In the dating world, if you can’t make grilled cheese sandwiches, you better be good-looking; if you aren’t good-looking, you better be rich; and if you aren’t rich, you better learn to be funny.

If you have the opportunity to make it to the sacred grounds of the World Dairy Expo, make sure to have a grilled cheese. And, if you see the alternate on the judging team, hit them up if you’re in the market for a cheap light beer.