OK – it is 2023 and I’m not perfect yet. That’s alright. No one would like me if I was. I found that out when I was perfect. Well, at least I thought I was. It was one of those delusional phases of my life when I thought I knew most everything that needed to be known. Life has a way of popping the pride bubble and putting us in our place. I am far from perfect, and I do not have even a fraction of the answers I thought I did. Life has taught me that it is much more fun just to be happy. I’m at the ripe old age of "wise enough to realize perfect isn’t possible but happiness is possible," and to know it should be our goal. Just peaceful, uncluttered happiness.
There are so many advertisements that promise happiness one way or another. The ads may not say, “This will give you happiness,” but all the smiles and body language imply that happiness is in the box. So, you buy and buy and buy, and open each box only to find disappointment. I have learned in my many attempts to reach my goal that happiness will never be found in a box or a gadget – it is homemade. You design it one decision at a time.
I have learned that you can create your own day of the week and be your own weatherman. Many get up in the morning saying, “Ugh! It’s Monday.” They go through the day attributing every misfortune to the fact that it is Monday. “Yippee! It’s Friday.” Everything is wonderful and going great because it is Friday. The only difference between Monday and Friday is attitude.
We consult the weatherman in the evening to decide what kind of a day it is going to be tomorrow, or we part the curtains on a cloudy day and dub it “dreary” even before we walk out the door. We mope and complain because the wind is blowing or the sun is too hot. It is as though we are a slave to the changing seasons. It is magical when you realize that cloudy can be as wonderful as sunshiny. You decide. It just takes an attitude adjustment. An attitude adjustment is a decision, not a curse. You are the creator of your destiny, not the weather or the day of the week.
Your thoughts determine your attitude. Many do not realize the power that attitude has on outcome. Henry Ford said, “Whether you think you can, or you think you can’t – you’re right.” You have a magnificent power to control your thoughts. The trouble is that so few of us think about thinking. We just turn on the morning mind and let it play nonstop until we go to bed at night. We allow our mind to take the course of least resistance, believing and embracing whatever comes our way. The music we listen to, the words we hear from other people, even traffic noise is recorded in our minds haphazardly. We listen to the news and swallow it as truth without even weighing it on the scales of logic. What is worse, we often hear or perceive what we think are facts and allow them to shape our attitude, only to find out we were totally mistaken as the pundits finally get around to telling the truth.
Our minds are designed with the ability to start on a subject and with the blink of an eye, shut off and move to a different subject. We do not have to entertain one thought over another. We get to choose. Unworthy thoughts may come into our mind, but we do not have to invite them to sit down and spend the day. Learning to control our thoughts is vital to happiness.
We have the power to control our self-talk. We can control the conversation we hold with ourselves. We can celebrate life by recognizing the things we have and the joy of being able to move around and enjoy life, or we can bemoan the pounds on the bathroom scale, how hard it is to zip our pants or the gray hairs that are lacing our hair. It is a choice. If we celebrate life, we are choosing happiness. If we choose the sorrow of the bathroom scale to start our day, we are incrementally robbing ourselves of happiness. We cannot spend the day beating ourselves up for the way we look and expect to be happy. Does it really matter to anyone how much we weigh? Does it really matter if our hair is brown or gray? Some people may comment about our looks, but we usually do not hear them. It is the matter of what we think they think. Even if people do try to belittle us, we do not have to believe the insults. We can recognize it is their problem, not ours. In the long run, what really matters is were you able to get out of bed? Were you able to see the gray hairs? It is only a matter of perspective. Choose to be grateful. Choose to count your blessings instead of your cursings. You will find that happiness will follow you around like a cart rope.
Og Mandino, a famous motivational author, said, “Count your blessings. Once you realize how valuable you are and how much you have going for you, the smiles will return, the sun will break out, the music will play and you will finally be able to move forward the life that God intended for you with grace, strength, courage and confidence.”
Selfishness is the plague of our time. We spend too much time thinking of ourselves, worrying about what others think and what we can do to make them think better of us. We spend our precious think-time in worry about what will happen if this or that happens and not enough time thinking about what will make someone’s life better. The very fact that we are self-absorbed puts us on a track of diminishing returns.
Mandino continued, “Realize that true happiness lies within you. Waste no time and effort searching for peace and contentment and joy in the world outside. Remember that there is no happiness in having or in getting, but only in giving.”
Too often we compare our worst self to the best self of others. We go around frowning at our mistakes and making believe that we are not worth much. We see perfection in others and only our faults, but we are valuable beyond belief. Mandino, in his book The Greatest Salesman in the World, suggests that we are nature’s greatest miracle. Marianne Williamson in her poem, “Our Deepest Fear,” gives a new perspective on our infinite value:
Our Deepest Fear
Our deepest fear is not that we are inadequate.
Our deepest fear is that we are powerful beyond measure.
It is our light, not our darkness
That most frightens us.
We ask ourselves
Who am I to be brilliant, gorgeous, talented, fabulous?
Actually, who are you not to be?
You are a child of God.
Your playing small
Does not serve the world.
There's nothing enlightened about shrinking
So that other people won't feel insecure around you.
We are all meant to shine,
As children do.
We were born to make manifest
The glory of God that is within us.
It's not just in some of us;
It's in everyone.
And as we let our own light shine,
We unconsciously give other people permission to do the same.
As we're liberated from our own fear,
Our presence automatically liberates others.
Men and women who have achieved greatness have overcome their self-doubts, their negative self-talk and took an opportunity to bless the world with happiness. We all have that power within us. We were destined for greatness, not mediocrity.
Author Bob Moawad said, “The best day of your life is the one on which you decide your life is your own. No apologies or excuses. No one to lean on, rely on or blame. The gift is yours – it is an amazing journey – and you alone are responsible for the quality of it. This is the day your life really begins.”
Happiness, not perfection, is within our grasp. We must choose it, work for it and spread it around. It is like the Bible says, “Cast thy bread upon the waters: for thou shalt find it after many days” (Ecclesiastes 11:1 KJV).
