Every January, the first thing that comes to mind to fill this space is a message of prosperity for the new year. The creation and visualization of resolutions fresh on all of our minds, working toward making the new year as great as possible is a worthy goal. If we aren’t thinking about the new, then reflecting on the past is the second temptation. Looking back over the previous year and reflecting on what went right and what went wrong is a close second activity as the calendar year comes to a close.
For this year, my mind is in a different place. By the time you read this, my husband and I will be preparing to welcome, or have already welcomed, our second son into the world. While the excitement and anticipation of growing our family is a blessing we are incredibly grateful for, it’s also brought on the strangest concept of time I have ever experienced.
It’s easy to get caught up in the excitement of the “firsts” of each of our sons, but simultaneously, the "lasts" seem to feel so final.
Looking at my not-quite-3-year-old and realizing how many of his lasts passed by without me even recognizing them brings a new level of fear to starting over and missing those moments. Is it better to be aware? Or is it better to embrace that it will pass either way and just to soak in those moments?
This outlook brings a whole new perspective on the circle of life, as grieving brings up so many of the same emotions. Do we anticipate what is to come and regret the things we missed? Or do we live for the moment with each of those precious memories? What can we do to savor those moments?
If you are one that rolls your eyes at New Year's resolutions and groans at the idea of a new calendar year automatically creating new habits, I encourage you to take a minute and think about things that are happening around you that you will miss. Maybe it’s that you pet your trusty old dog another time and spend a minute savoring his companionship, or as you warm up your favorite tractor or pickup next time, you take a minute to think about what makes it your favorite and the sentimental value it has to you.
Because for every exciting first, a last is soon to follow, and while both can be bittersweet, they both deserve a place in our hearts and an extra moment to savor them.
My goal for this year is to soak up all those firsts for both my sons. To not anticipate what may come next but instead know I’m doing all I can to live for that moment. To not regret missing what may have been a last, but to give each detail the space in my mind to live on as a memory.
It may not be the typical definition of a resolution, but each new day holds enough natural change despite the day on the calendar, and for 2024, my goal is to live in the moment embracing that change, no matter how bittersweet it may be.
