In doing so, we can start to understand the emotions one might experience as they shift from a regular role in farming.
1. Respect. The transitioning manager (not boss) who is letting go of being the ultimate decision-maker still wants and needs their opinion considered. A seed grower retired and abruptly felt like his opinion was not important anymore.
I found this surprising, as I put a high value on elder wisdom and experience. I think young farmers are wise if they consider the sage advice of their parents.
If you are sad about a lack of respect in your farm experience, talk about it; don’t just stuff away your disappointment. Showing respect earns more respect.
2. Appreciation. Small business coach Tom Hubler says a lack of appreciation is one of the key stumbling blocks in a successful farm succession plan. Recently, a farmer confessed he could likely show more appreciation to his farming son.
This is urgent because at the moment, the son was not convinced he could work alongside his parents for the next 15 years.
The emotions they showed at that table were tears of fear when they realized their 40 years of toil, risk and growth might not be a secure legacy to the next generation. How are you showing appreciation to others on your farm?
3. Success mindset. What is your definition of success? If it is richness of relationship, then a harmonious culture on your farm will make you feel deeply grateful and satisfied.
If you are not on speaking terms with siblings, in-laws or grandchildren due to silent treatment and conflict, you are likely feeling like a failure.
Unfortunately, as a coach, I do not possess magic fairy dust to sprinkle on grumpy people to make them behave well as emotionally mature adults. If success is eluding you, are you ready to call in help for counseling and do deep communication work?
4. Timely effort, a healthy work ethic. Farmers who have a hard time stopping their work are likely “lazy in relationship” as they tend to overwork and under-relate. If your identity is tied to what you “do,” then the crisis of letting go of your role on the farm is likely going to leave you floundering and grieving.
Healthy managers who hand over responsibility over time usually have a new dream or goal to work towards that energizes them. I can’t say I know that many retired farmers.
One who is happy has moved to town, supports his farming children by driving out to help on request and spends a lot of time playing with grandchildren.
If farm work has become an untamable monster, what are you going to do when you wake up in a hospital bed someday and wonder where all your friends have gone?
It’s time to feel great about what you have contributed and be grateful for the years left to create new meaning and purpose. You are “getting ready” for a new chapter that no longer includes 100-hour work weeks. You will be OK.
5. Growth in business and technology can be exciting and fear-inducing. Don’t forget to grow the skill sets of your people. One farm founder is causing grief because his sense of self-worth is dependent on the farm business continually expanding.
He is not listening to the younger generation, whose energy is maxed out, while they are begging for more time with children. If your self-worth is tied to the size of your net worth statement, you may be sad you aren’t as rich as you thought you would be at this stage in your life.
Again, what is true wealth? Ralph Waldo Emerson said, “Your health is your wealth.”
6. Fun. It is OK to play and have a culture of fun on your farm. If people are happy and getting along as a team, you are likely a very happy farmer. Many people who request coaching think increasing their communication skills will help them get along better.
Sometimes I wonder if a good holiday and long rest wouldn’t be more helpful. Your body is not a tractor. We need rest and renewal, and we need to pay attention to sadness that just doesn’t lift, which might be depression.
Emotionally, I want you to give yourself permission to enjoy the fruit of your labour and have some fun. Be radical and stop working on Sundays. This works at our farm.
7. Leadership. Strong fathers are great leaders of their families and farms. They also allow team engagement and other family members to “lead from any chair.” They don’t have a need to always be in control or to have the last word on key decisions.
Brené Brown talks about leading a “wholehearted” life. She suggests writing down experiences of heartbreak and grief have emerged as the most help in making clear to people what they were feeling so they could articulate it to each other. Be an empathetic leader.
“Time is the most important gift you can give your family,” Frederick Goddall says. I would be interested to hear about the feelings you experienced when you “quit” farming. I have a new presentation called “Planting Hope Amidst Grief and Loss on the Farm.”
We need to recognize there are many kinds of losses in life, not just financial ones. I lost my farming dad to Alzheimer’s and then to death five years ago. Be grateful if you have a live, loving father. Make good memories, and be free to share your true feelings. Blessings on your journey. 
Elaine Froese, CSP, CAFA, CHICoach, farms on mile 16 near Boissevain, Manitoba. Contact her at Elaine Froese or Tweet Elaine Froese or on “Farm Family Coach” on Facebook.
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Elaine Froese
- CSP, CAFA, CHICoach
- Boissevain, Manitoba
- Email Elaine Froese
