People who are stuck with a large degree of anxiety and overwhelmed from not knowing the certainty of the future are caught in what William Bridges has termed “the neutral zone.” You want to get out of neutral and move towards a more certain future.
Let’s look at the five types of letters that might be helpful to your situation: exploration, collaboration, explanation, confrontation and affirmation.
You might want to take parts of each of these types of letters to accomplish your specific goals. Here’s how I have seen each of them used in my coaching work.
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Exploration: This is the discovery process of seeking out the possibilities of how you might like to address an issue with another party. You are exploring the various options ahead of you.
For a young farmer, it might be exploring a new business plan with the founders or people who hold most of the equity in the operation.
In our case, our son used a marketing contract with a hemp processing company to explore the possibility of growing hemp on our certified seed farm.
His father agreed to the plan, and we now have three years of hemp-growing experience. What opportunities do you want to explore on your farm? What letters of reference or testimonials do you have in your research to prove that it is a workable choice to engage?
Writing the letter will help crystallize your commitment to the project and help think things through for your business plan.
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Collaboration: The purpose of this letter is to agree on a working contract. I use this letter in my speaker agreements to be clear about timelines, dates, venues, supplies, and fees and expenses.
When you want to collaborate on a project with a family member, you usually talk about it a lot, but how many documents are in place to be clear about roles and responsibilities?
Many farmers I know wish they had taken a few more steps to get things in writing so they could refer back to the original goals and expectations. A shareholder’s agreement is really a letter of collaboration. Do you understand what your shareholder’s agreement says? Do you need to update it?
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Explanation: This is a powerful script to follow when you want to convey your thoughts and intent at a meeting but are not sure you will be able to say everything quite the right way that you want it to go.
I have seen this type of letter used as a powerful tool by a farm widow who was distressed that her adult children were fighting over how the father’s estate had been carried out. She used the letter to read her thoughts at the opening of the family meeting.
The children listened intently while their mother conveyed her angst at their bickering.
When the tone of reconciliation had been set by the mother’s expectations conveyed in her letter, the children discussed their next steps towards a better family relationship with understanding of why the estate was executed in a certain manner.
People cannot read minds, so letters are a vehicle to build understanding and start robust courageous conversations.
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Confrontation: Stop texting when you are angry. Put that energy towards collecting your thoughts on paper or in a typed document that you can craft until it sounds right. I have used this approach when adults want to deliver a strong message of concern to another adult.
In one case, it was crafted by a husband and wife, and then hand-delivered to the party that needed to receive the message of concern. This took time and deliberation over carefully chosen words.
The power of hand delivery emphasized the openness for ongoing conversation and the seriousness of the need for the conflict to be dealt with.
You can make this even more impactful if the letter is handwritten, as long as your writing is easy to read. Sometimes these confrontation letters are hard to receive, particularly if you are like me and would rather just have a face-to-face conversation.
Use the letter as a starting point and as an invitation to have a face-to-face conversation.
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Affirmation: One of my love languages is verbal affirmation. As a writer, I also love the power of the written word through cards and notes of affirmation.
They are nice to see on social media, but those are fleeting comments. You can hold a card or letter of affirmation in your hand and pull it out again on hard days when you need a word of encouragement.
I have seen this powerful letter used by a father-in-law who sought to empower his talented daughter in-law. He wrote her a letter stating the many reasons why he thought they should work together on the farm.
That letter started a great relationship and affirmed open, loving, respectful communication between them as a team.
Some younger people have not learned cursive writing and therefore only print or keyboard their messages. Our local agent who sells drivers’ licenses has taken to teaching young teens how to craft a great signature.
I find this hard to believe but a reflection of how the written word is changing in our culture. Writing a letter to break down the barrier of anxiety about your future on the farm, or the plans for the fairness factor in estate plans, is a place to start.
You can be clear about your intent not to cause harm, stating your hope to gain clarity of expectations for the future. You can think about the words you carefully choose.
Please consider what type of letter you need to be crafting today. Also go to Get Farm Transition Unstuck to sign up for a six-module course online that we have created to help you break through the barriers keeping your farm transition stuck.
Write me a letter. You can send it to Box 957, Boissevain, MB R0K 0E0. 
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Elaine Froese
- CSP, CAFA, CHCoach
- Boissevain, Manitoba
- Email Elaine Froese
