The search for unicorns, Nessie and work-life balance

What a thrill and a victory it would be to find these mysterious creatures and, obviously, brag about it on Facebook and post to YouTube immediately.

Crystal Mackay

The same analogy can be made of this phenomenon we keep hearing about (and are supposed to aspire towards) called “work-life balance.” We’ve all heard of it, and it sounds so amazing, but what does it really mean and how does one actually live the dream?

Work-life balance is a concept including proper prioritizing between “work” (career and ambition) and “lifestyle” (health, pleasure, leisure, family and spiritual development/meditation). This is related to the idea of “lifestyle choice.” (From Wikipedia)

Let’s start with those articles we’ve all read featuring that fabulous woman with five kids, a handsome doctor/husband and the amazing career who runs marathons, volunteers at church, keeps her house spotless and cooks every meal from scratch – mostly with ingredients she grew herself, except on nights she hosts her local book club or craft nights.

Of course that’s a soap-opera, romance-novel, Martha Stewart-like exaggerated combination example. But be honest, when you read that descriptor, did someone you know come to mind? Who is she and – the million-dollar question commonly asked – “How does she do it all?”

Think about how many changes have happened in just two generations. We’ve shifted from most women staying at home, to a few going to work, to many going to work, to many making a career.

Now add motherhood and a farm into the mix for some of us. How can you be the best person, wife, mom, friend, volunteer, farmer and career woman? There are so many labels, so many demands and expectations that many of us haven’t even stopped to think about.

Let’s begin with the end in mind and redefine the game. Is work-life balance your goal? I don’t believe life is accurately described by the word “balance,” which traditionally implies two parts on a scale against each other – work and life.

Today, it’s more like many buckets or compartments – with family, work, friends, your spouse, your own needs, etc. Realistically, it’s not even as tidy as separate buckets.

For me, it’s more like a kaleidoscope where many things blend together. Some areas get a higher priority than others depending on the day or the hour.

I’m incredibly fortunate that I absolutely love my career with Farm & Food Care, proactively talking with Canadians about food and farming, so if I’m checking an email or thinking about a project “after hours,” it doesn’t seem like work.

“If you do what you love, you’ll never have to work a day in your life,” is one of my favourite quotes.

My goal is to make sure my kaleidoscope colours and patterns match up with my priorities. I know that’s not possible every day, but I try to look at my time over a month and definitely over the year. This helps when I evaluate time I spend in each category.

What if my unicorn has one leg shorter than the other?

Start with this principle: You and your kaleidoscope do not have to be perfect. That’s what makes you human. It’s completely OK and wonderful and always changing.

I’m not a soap-opera character, despite how great my social media posts may seem. Some days I work too much and check my email when I should be watching my kids’ games.

Some days I’d rather just play with my kids and not go to a meeting. Some days I don’t clean my house because I’d always rather play hockey.

Some days I don’t take enough time to call my family or my friends. Some days I choose lunch with friends instead of going to the gym. All of those days and choices add up to make the colours and patterns of my life.

What does your unicorn look like?

The key is to stop and evaluate what your priorities are and measure that against your time. It’s healthy to do this a couple of times a year at least; stop running on the treadmill of life to take stock on how things are going for you and the other important people in your world.

Picture your life on a scale or buckets or a kaleidoscope or whatever visual suits your reality best – both what it is today and what you would like it to look like in the future.

Remember, it’s important to think about what you would like it to look like – not what your great aunt (who asks probing questions at the family reunion) might think or what the Facebook judges you haven’t seen since high school might comment on. This is harder than you think. Be honest with yourself.

What about all the other more beautiful unicorns?

Nothing is more certain to leave you frustrated than trying to attain the illusion that others might give of their “perfect” lives. There’s a wise saying that the surest way to unhappiness is to compare what you have to others. And I believe social media has exaggerated this problem.

No one posts “I’m so excited because I just cleaned the toilet for the thousandth time because my son doesn’t put the lid up when he pees,” or “Hey everyone, I forgot to brush my teeth before work this morning because I was too tired after helping a cow I don’t even like have a calf last night.”

Stop comparing yourself to others with the silent knowledge that no matter how great everything seems on the surface, everyone is human and everyone has ups and downs.

Define your own path and own it both with a sense of humour and the flexibility of knowing that plans are just plans, and life happens.

What do you want your picture to look like?

What if what you’ve mapped out for your reality doesn’t match up with your vision? Well then, you’re like almost everyone else I know.

Make a plan, one small step at a time, for how you’re going to start prioritizing. You can start today, maybe next month, and save some things for within a year or two.

Know that every day you’re making a new chapter of content and colours for the kaleidoscope of your life. It’s yours. Own it, be proud of it and its imperfections. Embrace the reality that it can change, and it is truly beautiful.

So what do unicorns, the Loch Ness Monster and work-life balance have in common? They’re all a bit mysterious and maybe make us all work a little harder to try and catch a glimpse of them.

The key is to let go of others’ expectations and not put pressure on yourself to “do it all” with perfect hair and a smile like a soap-opera character.

Define your own balance or kaleidoscope or whatever your chosen visual is that suits your life best. Create your own picture for today and tomorrow. PD

Crystal Mackay is the CEO for Farm & Food Care, a charity with a mandate to build public trust in food and farming in Canada. Raised on a dairy farm in the Ottawa Valley, she is passionate about bridging the gap between the farm gate and everyone’s plates.

ILLUSTRATION: Illustration by Thinkstock.