According to the National Center for Women and Retirement Research, more than 75 percent of women are widowed at an average age of 56, and 25 percent of these women are broke within two months of being widowed.
Drs. Brad and Ted Klontz are a team that does “boot camps” to help people deal with their money issues and have a money assessment on their website .
Brad gave me permission to share his top 15 money scripts that can hold people back. Do you agree or disagree with the following scripts? (Klontz’s insights in parenthesis.)
1. It is important to save for a rainy day. (Wealthy people do this.)
2. Giving money to others is something people should do. (This is ideal when you have resources to do so.)
3. Money buys freedom.
4. I have to work hard to be sure I have enough money.
5. I deserve money.
6. Your self-worth equals your net worth.
7. It is OK to keep secrets from your partner around money.
8. More money will make you happier. (Not much difference beyond $50,000 a year.)
9. I do not deserve a lot of money when others have less than I do.
10. I will never be able to afford the things I really want in life.
11. Things would get better if I had more money.
12. If you are good, your financial needs will be taken care of.
13. It takes money to make money.
14. If I had to borrow money to get what I want, I would do it.
15. You can’t trust people around money.
Our beliefs about money are called money scripts. Take this list of beliefs and compare them to what your spouse feels about money. My concern is that I see married women who are not paying attention to the finances, and there is a great likelihood that they will need to be in charge someday.
I also see a lot of fear about “having enough” for the type of lifestyle that is desired after age 70, when there is still 15 or more years of living to enjoy.
I really feel strongly that married women should plan their financial lives as if they will be on their own someday.
- Get involved now.
- Keep track of what you need for family living. Keep organized records. Know where your money is.
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Have your own retirement investment account.
- Get professional financial planning and investment advice. Consider taking courses on how to be a smart investor. Build up your money smarts and confidence.
- Write down your financial goals and know the security of “having enough.”
- Figure out your net worth. Take a complete inventory of your assets and liabilities.
Ruth Petty’s Globe and Mail article in 2009 gave 10 reasons why people fail financially, so work on busting these excuses:
1. Procrastination – Today is a great day to start being smarter with your money.
2. Lack of goals – People who write out their goals achieve more.
3. Not knowing how to establish goals – Start reading “A Purse of Your Own” by Deborah Owens.
4. Insufficient knowledge of the tax laws – Talk to your accountant and ask questions. Get a tax-free savings account growing in a self-directed portfolio, not a GIC.
5. Improper insurance plans – Find a trusted adviser referred by savvy friends.
6. Debt accumulation – Get rid of your personal credit card debts.
7. Lack of understanding about inflation – Your money returns need to beat the cost of living index.
8. Fear – False evidence appearing real … what fears are keeping you stuck?
9. Negligence in monitoring financial portfolios – Start asking questions of your investment broker and read “The Skeptical Investor.”
10. Poor attitude – Your mind games around money may not be serving you well.
I asked women in a seminar what money meant to them. They responded with “Power, freedom, adventure, love, status, abundance, scarcity, energy, giving …”
When you start to talk about what money means to you, the conversation is enriched as you explore your mental money triggers.
I don’t keep financial secrets from my husband, and he is honest with me also. The impact of money secrets and other “undiscussabulls” may be harming you.
Perhaps you are into “retail therapy” and are overspending like a shopaholic because you have unmet emotional needs.
It might be that your role on the farm has changed and you are looking for financial freedom and security beyond the income streams of the farm. Perhaps you are tired of enabling your adult children by continually bailing them out of their money woes.
There are a myriad of money triggers that cause conflict and distress in families.
The important thing is to identify your money beliefs and scripts and start talking about how those beliefs are impacting your behaviour with money.
Here are some of my reasons why you might not be taking action:
- You can’t ask for help.
- You don’t want to rock the boat, so you avoid money conflicts.
- You feel you don’t deserve to succeed.
- You are afraid to change.
- You are too busy with life to focus on your money issues.
- You have no money of your own.
- You are a supermom … running and overwhelmed.
- You don’t think you can afford a financial planner.
- Things will just happen; let fate decide my future.
- You don’t feel smart enough to learn more about your money.
I challenge you to embrace the emotional factors affecting your money sense.
- Draw a map of your family members and identify the scripts and feelings portrayed about money in your family of origin.
- Figure out why you aren’t intentionally taking control of your financial well-being.
- Sign up for a financial seminar.
- Read Wired for Wealth by Brad Klontz, Ted Klontz and Rick Kahler, and Moolala: Why Smart People Do Dumb Things With Their Money by Bruce Sellery.
May you always have “enough.” PD
Elaine Froese is a farm family coach, who farms near Boissevain, Manitoba. As a professional home economist, she has tracked her family living expenses for more than 30 years.
