These are questions almost every family is going to face – Dad or Mom getting up in years and still piloting the car or pickup like they always have. How does a family go about balancing concerns about safety with the desired independence of older family members?
From the viewpoint of the older driver – yes, there are concerns (I'm 78) – the world close by seems to move more quickly.
Before entering an intersection from a stop, one learns to look three times before proceeding. Left, then right, then left again. Left is clear. Right has one car to wait for. When that vehicle passes, look left again before proceeding because in the few seconds it took for the car from the right to pass by, another from the left could have entered the roadway and be on a collision course.
Night vision gets iffy. Wet roads in the dark can be intimidating. While almost everyone can get lost in foggy conditions, it gets worse with age. Then there’s that fiercely independent, bullheaded streak that interferes with any useful discussion on the subject.
As a recently widowed person, I noticed that where before I always had a wife by a phone to call if I needed anything, I am now on my own. Being a worrywart myself, I realized that the kids were now more concerned with being able to know where I am.
So we have to face family concerns versus independence. There are a number of ways to know where a family member is. The phone app we use shows location and will notify of arrival to and of leaving from specified locations. When traveling or just running into the store, worrywart family members will be able to see where you are without calling. This is especially handy when someone is on a road trip.
What is Grandpa driving? Before anyone decides that in order to be safe, Grandpa needs a newer vehicle, consider these things: familiarity with the controls and vehicle type as well as ease of getting into and out of a vehicle. He may not want to deal with learning to use all the computer-controlled gizmos on a newer rig. Is his current vehicle reliable, and is Grandpa safe and comfortable driving it?
Are the tires on Grandpa’s rig safe for the conditions he’ll be driving in? Is there a pillow, blanket and some munchies on board? Water? An adequate jack and tools so he won’t need to wait for help to change a flat tire?
The same set of questions needs to be discussed about tractors and other farm machinery Grandpa still insists he’s capable of operating. Safety first – for the operator and for those nearby.
Then there are physical issues. Creaky and arthritic joints make simple things difficult and complex things impossible. The position of the driver’s seat can be moved as needed. Long legs and achy knees don’t always fit in comfortably for a long drive.
Those cute little two-door cars that are around have the deficit for me of feeling like I’m sitting in a ditch when it’s time to get out. It’s much easier to step down getting out of a vehicle than having to have help standing up from a low seat.
With age, things like the twisting power of wrists goes away, so just turning the key to start the car may need an assist. My wrists are such that I’ve added a steering wheel spinner to my rigs. It makes cornering smoother. Plus, it’s a good excuse to add a doodad. Also added to my 18-year-old pickup is a backup camera. Upgraded headlight bulbs cured my night vision issues. Properly aimed headlights of any type will do wonders. And I’ve found the yellow-tinted night driving glasses to significantly reduce the glare from oncoming traffic.
On the subject of headlights, remember that when you hook up to a heavy trailer that pushes the rear of your pickup down, that also raises the front, throwing your headlights out of adjustment and blinding oncoming traffic.
Find a reason to ride along with your dad or grandpa (or grandma) driving once in a while. Pay attention to their driving skills. Are they comfortable driving? Do you feel safe riding with them behind the wheel? These trips will answer your question of should this person still be driving. Note that most states and AARP, AAA and others have online driver skills enhancement courses available. These courses are designed to help older drivers realize that as they age, reflexes and alertness may fade. Usually just being aware of these changes and compensating by being more alert will keep a person safer.
Probably the most difficult situation is a mental issue showing up with increased age that interferes with a person’s ability to drive safely. There are tests available to see how a person’s attention and reflexes are working together to judge safe driving ability. Sometimes, a change in medications will bring on or worsen symptoms. It's better to find a cause sooner rather than later.
You don’t need to be the bad guy (or gal) to bring this up. Family doctors deal with this regularly and will know how to proceed.
If Grandpa can’t drive on the road anymore, consider a side-by-side all-terrain vehicle for use on the farm, perhaps daylight driving only and perhaps only with another licensed driver on board.
Age has its privileges and its problems. The survivors among us will have to deal with age, as in old age. As in deciding when it’s time to stop moaning about being old and start bragging about how long we’ve survived. Equal parts of realism and humor should be used. Your kids aren’t being nosy and controlling. They are just concerned about being able to find you if you go AWOL.
As for humor? When you stop for a hamburger and Frosty, tell them you had a dinner date with Wendy. When you’re shopping for a new shirt, tell the salesgirl that you need a shirt that matches well with spaghetti sauce and gravy. You should just as well enjoy it. Not everybody gets to be an antique!
