Well folks, it is that time of year. There is a chill in the air, the leaves are turning, and deer season is in full effect. So what does this all mean? It means that during our busiest time, every city dweller within 200 miles stops by to tell us how to do our jobs.
They say how lucky we have it to be one with the land. And then they ask if we have any hypo-allergenic hay on the hayride for their kid. Also, do we have an all-organic and non-GMO corn maze they can walk through? Oh, and they would like to purchase a gluten-free pumpkin.
Now, I have traveled this country telling my jokes and doing my shows. In that time, I have heard many a story about harvest festivals; let me share a few with you now.
Arlie in Florida once had a couple who wanted a fall “country” wedding. Now, weddings are difficult enough on their own; adding the elements along with a couple hundred cows, that’s like putting a rocking chair on a slanted roof. Sure the view is good for a few minutes, but the crash is what you remember. Arlie has a few pointers for anyone who would like to have a wedding on their farm:
1. Make sure no one leaves the gate open.
2. Cows will distract 8-year-old ring bearers.
3. If a wedding ring is lost in a field, it stays lost.
4. If you don’t want brown trim at the bottom of your white wedding dress, wear a shorter dress.
5. Please tell your guests we do have indoor restrooms available.
6. At the end of the ceremonies, rather than throwing rice, we prefer you throw birdseed. We are having a dove shoot here tomorrow.
7. Cows like punch.
8. Drunk cows are hard to milk.
Mark in Iowa says when hiring a face painter for a church fall festival, make sure the paint will wash off before Sunday morning. I quote Mark, “The choir looked like they were back-up singers at a KISS concert.”
Pam from Wisconsin has a great tip. Don’t let your “out-of-work color-blind cousin” build the corn maze. If you do, check to make sure it actually has an exit.
This one, I must say: only in Texas. I’ll leave the name out for legal reasons. If your farm is “just a stone’s throw” away from the sheriff’s office, building a pumpkin catapult may not be the best idea. That’s funny in itself!
Apparently, the catapult was the main attraction for the festival, and they ran out of pumpkins. What’s the next best thing? Orange bowling balls. Bowling balls travel farther than pumpkins. How much farther, Tim? Far enough to take out two squad cars and put a hole in the roof!
In my personal opinion, if you start charging for parking, you should really make sure you actually have a festival going on. Nobody gets angrier than city folk wandering around aimlessly for 30 minutes.
And throwing handfuls of hay at them when they leave is not considered a hayride. On a final note, the arts and crafts section should not be used as a yard sale. PD
If you’ve ever thrown a fall festival or had a farm tour gone bad, I’d love to hear about it. Go to my website or Facebook me.
