Welcome to 2025! Like you, I will no doubt be writing checks for the next three months with 2024 scratched out in the top corner.

The New Year is always a great time to reflect and readjust on what areas of our lives need improvement. New Year’s Eve also shines a light on the fact that I have no desire to stay out past 10 p.m., and my bed provides more of a pull than any late-night party could ever offer.

It’s still December as I write this article, so there hasn’t been much thought given to what changes should be made. I did have a thought about how difficult it is to take my daily multivitamin, and yet, as a farmer, I feed cows based on constant nutrient testing and wouldn’t think of skipping their mineral program. The other news that recently came out was the congressional hearing about aliens and UFOs – or UAPs as they are now called, which stands for unidentified anomalous phenomena. This broader definition is now being used, as there have been military sightings of objects coming and going from the ocean like rednecks visiting the local Walmart.

Now, I’ll go on the record as being a devoted skeptic of anything alien-related and an even bigger skeptic of something government-related. I grew up as a young man looking to terrify myself by listening to Art Bell on the radio in the cab of a tractor in the middle of the field late at night.

While contemplating this article, I did some deep dives into the darker recesses of the internet, and there appears to be a corollary with us as dairy farmers and our frenemies from unknown origins. There are countless pictures of UFOs sucking up cows from fields, as apparently these individuals have also seen the live cattle prices and want to cash in on record-high beef prices. There have also been many reports of cattle mutilations and dead cows with surgical-like incisions that have removed particular body parts. The interviews with the local cattle ranchers are always particularly interesting. They are interviewed by alien believers who have left Earth several times themselves – as the result of cow pie mushrooms.

One particular grizzled old cowboy from eastern Oregon reported seeing a UFO after several cow incidents, and when asked what he did in response to the sighting, he said, “I told Ma to grab the .30-06, and I put a few rounds into it.” Always one for interstellar relationships, our cowboy friends may be responsible for the complete collapse of civilization – or the saviors of it.

The congressional hearing was interesting as they said yes, they have been lying to us about UFOs, and they have recovered crafts and beings. This begs the question, “Why do they have an aircraft that can break the sound barrier underwater and pull G-forces that would turn humans into Jell-O, and yet they trust the controls of the aircraft to a high schooler with a driver’s permit and allow it to crash?” The other glaringly obvious question is, “Why has the government suddenly thought we should have this information now, and why couldn’t we before this?” Maybe we own the technology and it’s all a psyop.

The good news, in my book, is at least they like cows, and well, I like cows, so maybe we have the potential to be friends.

Here’s to an eventful 2025. Take your vitamins, and shoot at everything you see in the sky that looks like a UFO.