I’ll be honest, if it wasn’t for telemarketers my phone would never ring. Apparently, my student loan debt is due, my Amazon account needs attention, I’m part of a class-action law suit that needs my information, and I won a cruise to the Bahamas. And it’s only 10 a.m. These telemarketers seem to always catch me off guard. Every number that pops up has the same area code as mine, and I just assume it’s someone I know or hope I know. Because I’m still waiting for the girl who stood me up prom night of ’87 to call me back when she said she’d call me back.
I’m constantly getting phone calls from the same auto-insurance telemarketer guy. Sometimes I keep him on the phone just to talk to someone. It gets pretty lonely on the tractor.
Speaking of the tractor, it’s completely insured even though it’s a 1972 model with four different wheels and tires. It’s insured from bumper to bumper. I know tractors don’t have bumpers, but “Ted the telemarketer” doesn’t know that. My truck has bumpers, and I can’t afford insurance on the truck so, just in case. I don’t think Ted has ever seen a real tractor, much less ever been on a farm. I’m pretty sure he thought I said “station wagon,” so now I have full coverage on my slurry wagon.
Ted also told me his company is now insuring pets. So I now have lightning insurance on my entire herd. Little side note: Be sure to remove the tape and golf club from the cow’s tail before the insurance adjuster shows up at the farm. The only thing Ted’s company won’t insure are pools and boats. And I’ll be honest, to Ted with bad reception on his phone, goat and boat sound the same. A few weeks later, I had to explain how my $12,000 goat was chewing on a rope which happened to be tied to a 90-horsepower Yamaha outboard motor.
Ted the telemarketer and I have talked 42 times. I’m actually headed to his wedding in my truck. Which happens to have two new bumpers on it. I’m not the best man, but I am in the wedding party. Ted wanted to have his wedding here at the farm. I was able to talk his new bride into having the wedding out at the lake. We’re having the ceremony on my new 50-foot pontoon goat.
