I’ve often pondered on how agriculture is paired with not only feeding everyone, but how agriculture has also teamed up with other products and services that have gone mainstream.
For instance, pea growers have a spike in sales whenever urologists have a sale on vasectomy procedures. Flower growers and whiskey distilleries make millions at the Kentucky Derby – but two days after the race, glue manufacturing increases.
The “Got Milk” campaign ran for nearly 20 years and was one of the greatest marketing lines in advertising. I don’t know how much milk the slogan sold, but people knew it. All that was before the nuts and grains started lactating. Apparently, climate change has made the world so hot that plants and legumes have grown mammary glands. When you start seeing packages of Planter’s Peanuts and Mr. Peanut is wearing a bra, and not because he’s a cross-dresser, the world is officially certified nuts.
Pretty much all of agriculture has to pay into some type of fund for supposedly marketing their products. Whether it be checkoff dollars or industry fees at the mill or co-op, we all pay it. I’m not totally against it. I just wish these organizations would consider some marketing ideas from me.
Dairy farmers know the benefits of milk. The average consumer does not. Vodka is known as the go-to drink for those trying to cut calories. So, class, what do milk and vodka have in common? A white Russian. Soy milk mixed with vodka would taste like you’re drinking a glass of brake cleaner. Picture a white Russian, and the slogan underneath would say, “Milk. Skinny, Sober, & Healthy.”
The entire meat industry is under attack by the “meat alternative” products. I’m not against these products. Like I’ve said before, I think every product should be sold in a free market to survive on its own and not mandated to appease activist groups. An advertisement for real meat products would be so easy. Picture a cow, pig, chicken, etc., in a pasture. And next to it a petri dish. The caption would say, “Natural meat versus something started in a petri dish – just like that famous concoction from Wuhan. You decide.”
For those people who keep pushing solar and electric as the only energy options, I’d like to make a special commercial for y’all too. I’m all for different energy types – I just don’t think we should try to put all our eggs in one or two baskets. Electric cars are great on golf courses, but the average electric car has a rather small miles-driven capacity. Plus, show me a battery-operated anything that will crank in minus 20-degree weather. I’ve seen trucks in Minnesota and North Dakota that never shut off from Thanksgiving through Tax Day.
I haven’t worked out the details yet, but the commercial would be something like this: [Scene] Minot, North Dakota in February – There is an electric vehicle plugged into an outlet of a house which only has solar power. The owner is up on the roof trying to scrape the ice off the solar panels with a spoon while shining a flashlight on the panel. The caption would say, “Every cuss word you can think of.”
